Category: Top 10s

• Where the crap are all of the misfit mittens? If we lose another mitten, I’m going to stab something. (They’re not in the school’s 3-table-deep lost and found – I’ve checked.)
• I hate the sliminess of using lotion. But it’s either that or a snow storm of dry skin in an itching fit.
• My toes haven’t been warm since September.
• There’s only so many times I can wash my car before I give up – the floor mats are full of salted mud that never really dries, and I can never see in my back-up camera.
• Fresh green grass between your toes. (Smell it?)
• I’m sick of my bodily fluids freezing – no beautiful, accomplished sweat glisten after a run…and my boogars freeze!
• Snow boots – I hate snow boots. Sure they’re cute when your feet are of normal size. But when you wear a size 12, you’re basically trudging around with mini fur-lined barges strapped to your legs.
• I miss grilled food. And drive-way beers while the kids run around sticky and sweaty and happy.
• So much stuff – snow pants, extra shoes, a lighter coat, a scarf, sweatshirts, a hat, and at least one dang mitten. My car is full on the way to school. My laundry baskets are full. My entry way is full.

Stick with in, Midwesterners. January will be over in 465 days.

10. With each snooze you mentally remove something that needs to be done before you have to leave the house. #1: I’ll work out tonight. #2:I don’t have to shave, I’ll just wear pants. #3: Hair dried on the “Hi” setting with all of the vents pointed at you during commute. #4: Hair in a crusty bun, deodorant, gum, and mascara in the car.
9. You forget your coffee and lunch on the counter. (but snoozed so many times you can’t stop for Scooters.)
8. You make it to lunch hour, look down and see black shoes, navy blue pants, and a shirt that can only be worn with black pants. Operation: lower office lighting. 
7. You wake up, cram at the library, finish a test, and walk back to your dorm room only to realize you are wearing two different shoes. One red tennis shoe. One yellow tennis shoe. Aced it!
6. You jolt to the bathroom, drop your drawers, and look down to realize your underwear are inside out/backwards. Both of these have happened to me–how, I will never know. 
5. You arrive to work after the 35 minute commute and have no recollection of how you got there…and for a split second you glance in the back seat to make sure you dropped off the littles.
4. You use conditioner first. Billy Madison would be so disappointed. 
3. You brush your teeth with Elsa Sparkle Crest and an Elmo toothbrush. 
2. You have a serious mental conversation about what is more important: food or sleep…And sleep actually wins.
1.While talking to your hubby on the phone you spend at least 2 minutes frantically looking for your phone. Me:“Dammit! I’m going to be late. I can’t find my phone again.” Hub: “Ummm….babe???” Me: “F$&K!”
See…your crazy is normal. You’re welcome.  

10. Season premiers. I’m not much of a TV gal…other than the fact that I have the kids tucked in early and a glass of wine ready for Blind Spot tonight. Oh…and check out the Bravo scripted series(s).  Girlfriend’s Guide and that hilarious awkward mom show are the perfect thing to watch in the other room while your hubby paces watching football.

9. Chai tea lattes. I know for most it’s pumpkin spice everything from lattes to cereals to scented tampons. But for me, Chai is where it’s at!!

8. No more mosquitos or gnats or horseflies. Or anything that flies, swarms, and bites! No more giant welts and itching and hydrocortisone cream!!

7. Autumn: The best season! And the only Autumn month where we get to truly enjoy pumpkins, burnt orange and burgundy decor, and aisles of candy corn before Santa and his jolly elves take over every damn shelf in the stores.  Ho…ho…hold up, St Nick.

6. Cooler temps. Peace out lip sweat. Peace out to that annoying knee pit sweat. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who calls the impossible-to-shave backside of your knee the “knee pit”)

5. The leaves. Someday I’ll see the trees in New England in September. Ahh…I need to get that booked.

4. A schedule. Kids are back in school and practices/lessons start. High-fives to the ladies who get jollies off of following a calendar! Booty bumps to the babes who have a post-it-note covered paper planner that controls their universe. (Yes, paper planners still exist.)

3. I have the urge to cook again! I don’t know if it’s because it’s not 275 degrees next to the oven now.  Maybe it’s all of the beautiful squash at the farmers markets…or if my Pinterest time goes up exponentially. But I want to make soups, casseroles, and bread…oh my!

2. Apple orchards. I drag my husband’s happy ass to one every year with the littles. I. Love. Them. Probably tied to fond apple picking memories with my grandparents…or fresh apple crisp…with ice cream.

1. Boots and scarves, ladies. Boots and flipping scarves.

Enjoy all of the glory this month has to offer!