People Peepin’

Please tell me I’m not the only person who can sit alone (with my earbuds and playlist) in the middle of a busy place and be completely entertained.

Let’s get real here: crowds make me nervous.  I’m a bit of an anxiety bug and by nature incredibly shy.  I was recently at a baby shower and had to verbalize my advice for the beautiful babe’s dad.  I was shaking and on the verge of tears during all 10 words I said…and at least 10 minutes recovering.  So unpredictable.

Pair this with the lovely genetic gift of a face that when in it’s natural resting state looks like I want to rip your teeth out one by one..  Growing up I constantly had people saying “What’s wrong?” or  “You look upset.”  Well I’m not dammit, I’m completely content, but I can’t walk around with a giant Ed-McMahon-came-to-my-door smile all day.  My cheek muscles aren’t up for it. Through the years I have also picked up on the fact that I must be quite an intimidating presence.  Which I hate.  Because I’m about the most sensitive person you could meet.  I cry.  Too often.  I like hugs and am the awkward person that compliments strangers and tells people she loves them.  So…without a constant smile, my face makes me look like a frigid B.  Thus began the jokes about my Resting Bitch Face (RBF to be a bit more PC).  

So in crowds where I have to participate: I’m a stressball with a RBF.  In crowds where I can sit against the wall with tunes in my ears and let my mind wander…I am content and entertained.  I’m sure I look like I’m secretly planning to attack the blonde whose body bounces in perfect unison as she pulls her sparkly pink suitcase through the jetway with her five inch heels and recently drawn-on plush, pink lips.  Really my mind is more like this: “Oh shit…I would totally trip in those heels.  If they’d fit more than half of my foot.  How is she walking?  Don’t trip.  Ok…maybe trip. I didn’t mean that!  Be kind!  Don’t trip, hunnie.  And those lips:  if I drew lips on they’d look like my 5 year old helped.  Does she have a stencil for that?  I love my Asics and chapstick.”

If you haven’t done it, let me help with a few of my favorite games.

“Guess what he/she does”- my hub and I used to go down to Lake Michigan next to a marina and watch people on their boats.  We’d guess what the people did: from the dentist with the boat named “Pearly Whites” to the guys who we are pretty sure run the mob with their gold chains, furry chests, and much younger, bikini clad babes accompanying them.  Some people were easy to predict, some people we would have to conjure up a complete bullshit story with complete conviction.  “No. no. no…he looks like a pimp, but he was raised by disco fever parents in a suburban neighborhood.  He rocks a fro cause it’s all he knows.  He’s actually a science teacher who won the Illinois State Lottery and bought his parents the boat.  They’re napping in the lower deck.  And the girls- they’re his daughter’s friends.  It’s her 17th birthday.”

Another good one: “What animal is he/she?”.  This one works nicely for your 10th straight hour of continuing education or work training.  Each person has a spirit animal that they resemble.  I’m telling you.  Fox with red hair, distinct cheek bones, slender, maybe even a little sly in their nature.  It’s fun.  Try it. It’s even more fun if you can be messaging a friend in the same audience google pictures of animals and make them guess which person matches the animal.  I’m still not sure what I am:  angry hippo?

Some people act like I’m “judging” when I people watch.  But the deal is, it’s complete BS.  And I am aware of that.  I don’t really want someone to be part of the mob.  I only half wanted that girl to trip…and only for a few seconds.  I hope someone is people watching me right now in this coffee shop: Meal planning, research reading, and blog writing in sweats with humidity-controlled-frizzy hair, with a mean RBF.  Either I’m a beautiful movie star without hair and make-up just trying to blend in…or I’m a mom on her beloved day off.  
“People Peepin’”: completely free entertainment.  No anxiety.  No judgment.  No harm.  Your choice of mood music.  Just do me a favor and go easy on the other people in this world who were blessed with the RBF, they may not be planning to rip anyone’s head off.